Tuesday, May 14, 2013

TiTs: Have a Nice May Day, Okay, Whaddya Say, Maybe Jump in Some Clay and Sing HooRay!

Happy May, boys and girls!  We’re done with the April showers, so let’s bring on the May flowers!  Yes, that is a metaphor for the new releases happening, you’re welcome.  May started off with a whimper with Mama being the only thing worth mentioning as far as new releases last Tuesday, but this week brings us a bit more and next Tuesday will bring us even more.  It’s an exciting month for TiTs so let’s dive right in, shall we?

Old Tits:  Mama, The Master, and Phoenix


Last week granted us the DVD/Blu-ray release of the Guillermo Del Toro produced, Mama.  The trailer for this one both sparked my curiosity and made me hate the movie all together, all at the same time.  The trailer is spooky by all means (which I love), but the incessant, unnecessary “Mama” that is whispered throughout killed any theatrical desire I had to see the movie.  Luckily for Del Toro thought, Robert emailed me the following last Thursday, “I meant to tell you last night that I watched Mama a couple nights ago.  The last little bit gets a bit goofy but 90% of the movie is solidly creepy . . .  In Robert I trust, so this one is now officially back on my radar, I just hope the whispers don’t habitat every 10 seconds of the movie like they did with the trailer.  I’ll let you know as soon as I know.
 
 

. . . Mama . . .



I’m not proud of this next one, but I’ll reveal my thoughts anyway.  I watched the ridiculous piece of awful that is, The Master, with Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.  Both actors did an outstanding job, let me get that out there right off the bat, it’s just that the content/plot of the film was incredibly bogus and after it was all over I felt neither cheated nor fulfilled.  Why, you ask?  Well because nothing fucking happened throughout the 2 ½ hour feature.  I’m sure you’ve read, as have I, that this movie is loosely based on Scientology and if that’s true then some of the A-lister’s in Hollywood are even dumber than I previously thought (I can’t give celebrities much credit for being millionaires/idols because they hate themselves and need to make a living by pretending to be anyone other than who they really are – I give them more credit than I do professional athletes (I cry every time I play Monopoly but no one gives me more money, why does it work in professional sports?), but I could never marry, befriend, or share any part of my life with a Hollywood celebrity – at the end of the day I just couldn’t trust the person).  As I said, the acting is great (although I’m still not sure why Amy Adams is in the movie, she’s only got approx. 15 minutes of screen time and most of it is pointless), but with no growth out of the characters it was very difficult for me to give a shit.  The best parts are watching Phoenix’s character poison himself and others with wild dink concoctions (we see him drinking paint thinner straight from the can at one point, Mmmm yum!), yet no one dies of poison, so maybe that comment is a little off-putting on my part.  Avoid this trash if you can, but if you’re dying to see it please remember my warnings and then hit me back with a comment on what you thought, I’d love to chat with someone who enjoyed the movie. Perhaps a revelation about it would ignite in my little head, but I doubt it.

 

I mentioned the new album release by Phoenix a few weeks ago, but it’s nothing more than 10 tracks of lame poppy horseshit, so don’t worry about it.

 

New TiTs:  Dexter, Cloud Atlas, A Glimpse Inside . . ., Texas Lamesaw, and 3, 2, 1 . . .

 


Dexter, the show about America’s favorite serial killer with a heart of gold, will be coming to an end soon (new/final season starts next month) and today grants us the release of Season 7.  I’m a Dexter fan.  I easily got hooked from the first disc of the first season and haven’t looked back since.  I like the sex, the killings, and the pickles that ‘ol Dex finds himself in each season and while I agree that it needs to wrap up, I haven’t been deterred by any season or season finale (I’m looking at you The Walking Dead) so I have soaring hopes for the upcoming 8th and final season.  Season 7 is good, but certainly not the best, and because I’m purposefully going to avoid and plot details/spoilers of it, I’ll do you one better and rank the 7 seasons from worst to best for you:

7.            Season 3 – something about this season didn’t click with me the way Seasons 1 & 2 did.  It revolves around a budding friendship between Dexter and a character played by Jimmy Smits (who does an incredible job, similar to all of the show’s celebrity guest stars), but with the planning of a wedding involved (Dexter’s), it seemed like the need for a companion was just a bit too much.  Dex already has a companion in fiancé Rita, but his need, desire, for someone more like him seemed to stretch a bit too thin for my taste.

6.            Season 5 – to be fair, I think my logic for placing this one at the bottom of the list is because this was the only season I watched on a week-by-week basis (I usually blow through DVD/Blu-ray discs) and the time in between each Sunday was killer (no pun intended) and made me feel less in tune with the season as a whole.  

5.            Season 7 – this one is fun, but without revealing too much, I’ll only say I didn’t care too much for the direction that Dexter and Debra’s relationship took (is taking).  Do I have a better idea in mind, well no, but still, regardless of what secrets come to light, a brother and sister should stick together through and through (unless both are as deranged as batshit crazy Scientologist’s, HahHah).

4.            Season 2 – this one just barely fell out of the top 3, but that’s only because the other seasons are incredible.  I like this one a lot and nearly tied it with Season 1, but what kept me from going that route is because there isn’t really a main killer that the Miami Metro PD is after (there is one, but the dude’s kinda lame in comparison to other main killers) and as exciting as it is to watch Dexter feel the pressure of the Force (and Sgt. Doaks, sp?)closing in on him, there could’ve been just a bit more in the plot.

3.            Season 1 – the one that started it all, this season is fantastic as we get introduced to our beloved killer and his chilling (pun intended) maniac older brother.  Only one other killer bests the Dexter lot over the Ice Truck Killer (and we’ll get to him shortly), but he comes in a close second.  I loved the back-and-forth between the two as well as the mystery of Dexter’s past coming to light.  This one is a helluva season to get started with and one of the best Season 1’s ever produced in my opinion.  Honestly, if the upcoming Season 8 was literally this one, I would fell ultimately fulfilled with the series as a whole, but oh well . . . I can’t wait to see what happens in the real end.

2.            Season 6 – this one is great for a variety of reasons, mostly the plot twists, but also the content.  I had been wondering if/when religion would play a role in Dexter’s actions/kills and this season brings it.  Aside from the second best surprise cliffhangers of the series, everything about this season is balls-to-the-wall.  More blood than in recent seasons, nastier deaths, etc. make this one of the best seasons of the series, only to be outdone by one season and that season, of course is,

1.            Season 4 – whether you like the show a little bit or a lot, this season is for you.  Thanks in LARGE part to the fabulous Jon Lithgow, this season not only contains the best (or worst, depending on your direction) serial killer, but also the best cliffhanger ending.  This season kept me on the edge of my seat for all 12 episodes and try as they might, the writers and producers will not make another season that can stand up to this one.  Season 6 gave it a good run for its money, but unless Season 8 ends with a BANG, this season will be the season most fans will remember Dexter for.  So, so good.

 

Next up is Cloud Atlas, an interesting little film from the likes of the Wachowski siblings.  This one isn’t the best movie in the world, but it is very interesting.  Set between approx. six different time periods, this is ultimately a love story painting the idea that we are in fact many people who have lived many lives and through each one we have a choice between bad and good, love and hate, right and wrong.  I’m sure many Philosophy classes will tackle this movie along with various texts and I’m kind of envious that it came out so late in the game for me (I graduated 7 years ago).  Definitely not a one-time watch, this one requires at least 3 viewings to catch all the little nuances, actors, etc.  It was fun to see Tom Hanks and Halle Berry play so many different roles (six each) for one feature, but I’m absolutely positive some info fell through my mind cracks.  I’m not sure I’ll buy this one, but I would most certainly watch it again.  These kinds of movies deserve all the attention they can get so as to persuade Hollywood to keep projects like this in the pipeline (let the Transformers bullshit go already, Jesus!) so do movie-lovers everywhere a favor and check this one out.  Maybe Kickstarter can back a project of a similar nature.  Or maybe we’ll have to wait a few more lifetimes, who knows . . .

 


I’m going to bet on A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan, III.  Yes, I will buy it without having seen it, as I like to do from time to time.  Despite Charlie Sheen’s involvement, this one seems right up my alley in terms of pure entertainment.  Sheen’s presence is counteracted by the great Bill Murray and the equally awesome Jason Schwartzman and I’m severely looking forward to this next team-up of theirs.  Judging from the trailer, there is a bit of gonzo in this picture and it’s about time.  We need more gonzo movies, Hollywood, let’s step it up!  I’m not even entirely sure what it’s about, but I have a feeling that it will delight me.  I’ll be sure to update you next week.

And for all you horror fans out there, I’m sorry.  Nothing of relevance is being released today.  You may feel the need to argue being that Texas Chainsaw 3D is being released, but it’s as ridiculous as the new Phoenix album (frankly I’m surprised they aren’t on the soundtrack).  The only thing going for this movie is the hot lead actresses, but they don’t show any nudity so that “going” is short-lived anyway.  Backed by a silly story, and plumb dumb ending, this one is nothing but a letdown.  Hell, even the Texas remake with Jessica Biel is infinitely better.  I have a feeling this one will go down in the annals of history as cheesy-B fun, along with every other Texas sequel.  It’s hard to believe that no one can make this series scary again.

Last on our list is the low-key, indie comedy, 3, 2, 1 . . . Frankie Go Boom.  I’ve read some good things about this flick and I am looking forward to checking it out (mainly because my girl-crush, Lizzy Caplan, is in it).  Chris O’Dowd, who I’ve been man-crushing on ever since This is 40, also stars as well as Pacific Rim and Sons of Anarchy star, Charlie Hunnam.  They play brothers with O’Dowd playing the obnoxious, older of the two and Hunnam playing the younger, recovering drug addict . . . comedy ensues.  Oh, and did I mention a cross-dressing Ron Pearlman?  I may not have the highest of hopes for this one (I’m counting on you, Swan), but I’m sure it’s got a few good laughs in there.
 
 
 


That’s all for this week, guys and dolls.  Sadly, there’s nothing doing for music this week.  In its absence may I suggest J. Roddy Walston & the Business.  Pat mentioned them a few weeks back, check it out and check out the rest of their stuff.  It rocks.  Bite back with some comments below, let me know which season of Dexter is your fav.  Until next week . . .      

2 comments:

  1. Enjoyed the ranking of Dexter series. I haven't yet seen series 7 but my fave was season 2. All that stuff with Dokes in the cage was AMAZING! I still haven't forgiven Dexter for what happened to Dokes!

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  2. @ Pete

    Season 2 is really good, the last episodes (with Dokes in the cage) are indeed very intense. Like I said in my post, I nearly tied Season 1 & 2, but had to give 1 the edge because of the Ice-Truck Killer. Thanks for the comment!

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