Robert's 5 Biggest Disappointments of 2013

As with any year, 2013 was full of films that exceeded my expectations. You can check out my top 10 list here. Now for whatever reason - maybe my expectations were too high - quite a few of 2013's films really disappointed me, so much so that I felt compelled to come up with this list. I need to point out two things. First of all, this list really isn’t in any particular order. Secondly, I’m not necessarily saying these are bad films. They just let me down. Let's check 'em out.

5. Pacific Rim

Pacific Rim was my number one most anticipated film of last year. Number one. I even did a series of posts counting down to the film’s release. So imagine how embarrassed I am that it wound up here. What can I say? I didn’t hate the film. In fact, I gave it a positive review. It hasn’t set well with me, however. At the end of the day, parts of the story were really goofy and poorly thought out. And Charlie Hunnam kinda sucked.

Pacific Rim on Facebook

4. Room 237

I saw Room 237 - a documentary about the hidden meaning and secrets of Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece The Shining - right after said masterpiece as part of a double feature. I was really stoked to see it, being a huge fan of Kubrick's film. The documentary was getting a lot of positive buzz as well. The problem, however, is that The Shining is an amazing film and Room 237...is not.

It’s not that I’m against the theories about the film, either. Some of the more interesting theories have been floating around for a while. Some of the "secrets" and "theories" in 237, however, are a little more...out there. For instance, one theory that pops up is that, if you pause the film at a certain point, it looks like one of the characters - Mr. Ullman - has an erection due to the way his body lines up with an object in his office. Another theory is that a cloud takes the shape of Kubrick’s face near the beginning of the film. In short, The Shining is rife for discussion and these guys ended up talking about dicks and clouds.

3. Upstream Color

I really enjoyed Shane Carruth’s first film, a twisty time travel tale called Primer. Nine long years passed. And then he announced his follow up film, Upstream Color, and I rejoiced and the world danced in anticipation. Then I watched it.

Let's go back a second. Despite initially being excited about the film, the only reason I finally watched it was because I was laid up in bed with a bad back. For some reason, I had pretty much lost all interest in it. But I finally watched it. And maybe I just didn’t “get” it, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea. I’m an escapist and I don’t really enjoy films with vague, meandering plots about worms and pigs and shit. I’m probably coming off as a Philistine but I just really didn’t enjoy this film. In my defense, I actually watched the movie a second time. I may have understood it even less the second go 'round.

Wikipedia

2. The ABCs of Death

This fucking film. What a waste of a premise. Remember how I said that the movies on this list aren’t necessarily bad films? THIS ONE IS. IT IS TERRIBLE. Skip this fucking piece of filth and instead check out V/H/S 2, another of 2013’s anthology horror films.

1. Man of Steel

Man of Steel. Yes. It really, really disappointed me. I was expecting a lot more. I was expecting unique, unforgettable action sequences. I (suppose) I was expecting a linear story, because those flashbacks sure got annoying. I won’t start to nitpick, because I wrote a full review for that sort of thing. Here’s the thing...I’ve seen Man of Steel a second time since writing that review. It’s not that bad. It really isn’t. But, man, it could have been better. And despite everything, I'm really excited for Man of Steel 2/Batman vs. Superman. Hopefully Zack Snyder and company get it together.

Man of Steel on Facebook

Escape the Phantom Zone: Man of Steel Review

spoilers ahead!

I won’t go so far as to say that director Zack Snyder's Man of Steel was a complete failure. There’s a good movie in here somewhere. There really is. But it’s a deeply flawed film, mostly due to David Goyer’s script. The flow, structure - whatever you wanna call it - of the story. It just. Didn’t. Work. The many, many (many) flashbacks constantly pulled me out of the narrative. It got to the point where it was like, still? We’re still doing flashbacks? So the film just couldn’t seem to get going. I found myself waiting for a decent action sequence. And not mindless action, either. Just something super, something worthy of the Man of Steel.

IMDb

The movie begins on Krypton, Superman’s birthplace. They literally show him being born. Which is kind of an awkward way to start the movie if you ask me. We get a good look at Krypton, more so than I was expecting. Actually, was anyone expecting Krypton like this? It was pretty crazy (I literally wrote “Krypton = zany” in my notes).

After the birth of Kal-El (as he’s known to his parents), the first natural birth on Krypton in some time, his father Jor-El (Russell Crowe) tries to talk sense into the planet’s leaders. Yes, Krypton is dying, and at the hands of its own people. General Zod (Michael Shannon) and his forces bust up into Jor-El’s meeting and take control. Jor-El manages to escape, however, and is able to rescue his son by jettisoning him into space on a course towards Earth. Zod manages to kill Jor-El, but he and his forces are captured and banished to the “Phantom Zone” via a black hole device. We then flash forward to meet Clark Kent (Henry Cavill) on modern day Earth.

I actually had no idea what was happening on Krypton. I know that the planet was essentially self destructing and that General Zod was trying to take over. But it looked like all-out war on the planet. I’m assuming it was General Zod’s followers fighting with the Kryptonian authorities but I just wasn’t sure (and it wouldn’t be the last time I was confused about what was happening in the story and how). Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the Krypton sequence and I appreciate that the filmmakers went that in depth. I just wasn’t expecting it.

Other than the general flow of the film, I have to criticize the dialogue. The first school sequence - where Clark winds up hiding in a broom closet - was just kind of awkward. The “The world’s too big, mom,” dialogue worked in the trailer but here it’s just awkward. Who talks like that? There’s a lot of crummy dialogue in the film. In fact, let me just get all my dialogue qualms out of the way here. Lois Lane (Amy Adams), when shown a small room she has to stay in at one point in the film says: “What if I have to tinkle?” Later on she refers to the fact that she's a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist. We get it. She’s a good reporter. At one point late in the film, Superman confronts Zod with the line (I’m paraphrasing) “You’re a monster and I'm going to stop you.” It seems like somebody put that line in the script as filler and forgot to rewrite it. Another line, perhaps the worst in the film, spoken by General Zod (again, paraphrasing): “There's only one way this is going to end...either you die or I do.” Isn’t that two ways?

Another problem that I had with the film was the squandered opportunities. That oil rig sequence was very short and the scene where Clark saves the school bus could have been more epic (I mean, couldn't they show him pushing the bus out of the water a little bit?). The tornado scene later in the film - which could have been a cool action sequence if done right - simply kills Jonathan Kent (in the most thoughtless way possible).

There were a few outright strange elements in the film. One was that it didn’t seem to want to call Superman Superman. It seemed like the third act or so before someone actually said his name. And what was with the product placement throughout the film? Nikon, U-Haul, Sears, 7-Eleven. Superman fought a villain in an IHOP for Zod’s sake.

The fists finally start flying in the third act when General Zod and his crew (having escaped the Phantom Zone due to Krypton’s destruction) find Superman on Earth after years of searching. The fight scenes were cool but at the end of the day, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. And it isn’t long before we’re on to the next sequence, which finds Superman and the military trying to banish General Zod and his forces back to the Phantom Zone before they can terraform Earth with a Kryptonian World Engine. The military’s plan? Create a black hole in the middle of Metropolis using the ship that brought Superman to Earth and hope for the best. I actually wondered if Metropolis was destroyed at the end of that segment. The film culminates with a big brawl between Superman and Zod after our hero and the military stop the villain's World Engine.

I didn’t like how the Superman/General Zod fight played out. I thought that it was two unstoppable supermen fighting each other, but Superman just ended up snapping Zod’s neck. Seriously? That’s it? And it raises a big question. Batman’s one rule is that he won’t kill. What does that say about Superman? Where does that leave us in the modern age where Batman - who has always been viewed as the darker of the two - is the more principled hero and the one who won’t kill? And we’re talking about the Batman featured in the films of David Goyer and Man of Steel producer Christopher Nolan here, so it’s not like there isn’t a basis for comparison.

One of the best things about the film was the talent from some of the leading actors. Russell Crowe was great throughout the film as Jor-El and Michael Shannon was just right as the menacing Zod. Henry Cavill really owned the role of Superman and I’m excited to see what he does with it in future installments (I know he’s a great actor because they showed not one, not two but THREE scenes of him screaming intensely into the camera). Kevin Costner really nailed the role of Jonathan Kent and I'm genuinely disappointed about how the film treated the character.

Zack Snyder really knows how to make a film look great. The imagery of Clark and Lois in the desert and Clark’s weird skulls/doomsday dream looked particularly great. The production design and the costumes were fantastic, as was Hans Zimmer’s score. Expect some Oscar nominations there.

A friend of mine made the observation that Batman Begins (the Man of Steel of The Dark Knight trilogy) was quite inferior to its sequels and I really hope that’s the case here. I really want to like this series.

2.5 out of 5 stars

Favorite Scene Friday! Superman Returns: The Safest Way to Travel

While everyone else is trying to figure out how Superman shaves his beard (seriously?) let’s examine one of the best scenes from Superman Returns.

Supes is rushing to save Lois Lane and the rest of a group of reporters after the plane they’re on fails to detach from the space shuttle it was transporting (due to one of Lex Luthor's schemes). Superman successfully separates the shuttle from Lois’ plane (and takes a weird amount of time making sure that it gets away safely) but it’s here that the scene gets interesting.

A lot of people might not like Superman Returns as a film, but I don’t think anyone can argue that this isn't one of the best action scenes in any superhero flick. From the triumphant Superman theme at the beginning to the thunderous applause at the end, the scene really, really works. Director Bryan Singer and his team really know what makes Superman cool power-wise - he can fly and he’s super strong. Combine that with a crashing airplane and you’ve got movie magic. Few superheroes can pluck a plane out of the sky. (Side note - Singer must have a thing for superhero airplane action sequences, because there's another one in X2 featuring the teleporting mutant Nightcrawler. I’d like to talk about that scene at a later date because it absolutely blew me away when I first saw it.)

There’s a great sense of peril throughout this scene as Superman tries to stop the plane in time. Singer keeps things moving fast but it doesn't feel rushed or disoriented. The ending is a little silly (a baseball diamond packed with fans - what are the odds?!) but appropriate.



Man. This scene. It gives me all the goosebumps. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you have a great weekend. Tune in next week (and every Friday this month) for another Superman scene in celebration of the release of Man of Steel.

Batch o’ Hatch: New Trailers (The Wolverine, Man of Steel, The World’s End, Don Jon), The Poltergeist Reboot, and Community News

I’ve barely had time for posts like these lately, which is unfortunate. On the bright side, the reason I don’t have a lot of time is because The EH Team has been busy. Like, fun-filled weekends kind of busy. That being said, I’d like to rant a little about our recent Friday. Let me explain...

We had gone out to Jacksonville Beach to watch the original Iron Man as part of the Moonlight Movies series. The concept was fun but the entire experience was pretty much ruined by a group of insanely drunk douchebags. This group of people - who were seated in a circle (yes, some of them weren’t even watching the movie) right in front of us - talked - nay - yelled, throughout the entire film. And whenever we or anyone else tried to shush them, they responded like we were the assholes. They even called us townies! I didn't think anyone actually used that phrase. Their main argument seemed to be that we could watch Iron Man on TV, since it supposedly comes on TBS all the time. They couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that, hey, we don’t want to watch it on TV, we came here to watch it on an enormous screen. I know we weren’t in a movie theater, but that doesn’t matter. You should still be somewhat respectful when the activity you’re engaging in requires silence. Talk about your DUI (Seriously, a girl talked about this. Loudly. The same girl complained about how she had been shushed at a screening of Men in Black.) on your own time. So go fuck a cactus, you guys.

Moving on, on Sunday Nick and Mrs. Nick accompanied me to a screening of the 4th Season of Arrested Development at Sun-Ray Cinema. I wore my Bluth’s Frozen Banana shirt, as did probably half a dozen others. A few other folks wore Arrested Development themed T-Shirts, everyone snacked on actual frozen bananas courtesy of Sweet Pete’s, and a general good time was had by all. I’m not sure if there’s always blue lighting in Sun-Ray or if they switched out the lights just for AD but, either way, it was a nice touch.

I didn’t watch the entire 4th season at Sun-Ray, but I did finish it later that night (I stayed up until 3:00). I thought that the season, while good, focused a little too much on the plot and not enough on the characters. I’ll probably never re-watch it the way I can re-watch seasons 1-3.

On Memorial Day we went to a free concert at the Landing to watch The Features perform. I wasn’t familiar with the group but I liked what I heard. After the concert we grabbed some drinks and I played around with the Vine app. Here’s Nick trying to find the perfect pair of glasses.

Enough about us, let’s move on to some new trailers and movie news!

Trailers

I was planning on writing this Batch last week, that’s why all of these trailers are a little old. First up, The Wolverine. This is a much better trailer, as the first few were a little silly. I’m really hoping this new movie tickles my fancy, especially since Wolverine will be popping up in the new X-Men First Class flick. I don’t want to be sick of him by then.



The fourth Man of Steel trailer is quite amazing and action filled. I’m really looking forward to Kal-El beating the crap out of something (anything!).



The new The World’s End trailer is a little slice of fried gold. It really gives you a good feel for how the actors will play off one another and it looks hilarious. Plus, it reveals that the antagonists are (spoiler alert!) robots! I thought they were aliens until I watched this trailer (maybe they’re alien robots?)



Don Jon, Joseph Gordon Levitt's directorial debut, made the Honorable Mention section of my 2013 Anticipated Films list. I hadn’t seen a trailer when I wrote that list and I was just going off the way the movie sounded on paper. So I’m happy that the trailer makes the movie look really solid. ScarJo plays a New Jersey girl really well. A little too well.



Which of these trailers is your favorite?

Poltergeist Reboot

JoBlo reported last week that the new Poltergeist film might end up being a sequel and a reboot, similar to producer Sam Raimi’s recent Evil Dead sequel/reboot combo. My motto with reboots is “It’s bound to happen sooner or later,” so this news doesn’t really bother me. Poltergeist is one of my favorite films of all time and a reboot could royally suck, but I have faith in Raimi.

Are you looking forward to this film? Would you rather a straight reboot or a straight sequel?

Community News

Capping off the news section of Batch o’ Hatch with a bang, there is now an updated version of the Journey to the Center of Hawthorne game from Community. Plus, there’s rumblings that Dan Harmon could come back to the show??? As the A.V. Club points out, there’s no precedent for this, so it’s exciting. I don’t see why Harmon wouldn’t come back, especially now that Chevy’s gone. I mean, NBC really dicked him over, but it's his baby and I could see him burying the hatchet in order to come back. Fingers crossed that Harmon will return for the final two seasons and the movie as well.

What do you think? Will Harmon come back?

Tweets

Nick from French Toast Sunday, sharing some Wayne's World love.

Wayne's World is on TV right now... & all is right with the universe.
— Nicholas Rehak (@TheRehak) April 11, 2013

CT from Nerd Lunch spreading the news that the IT Crowd is returning to TV!

Great news for @atomicgeekdowns and myself about the IT Crowd: bleedingcool.com/2013/05/06/the…
— CT (from Nerd Lunch) (@nerdlunch) May 6, 2013

Ruth from "...let's be splendid about this..." sharing a Simon Pegg Tweet about a possible new Trek film. I'm not sure if he's joking or not, but this would be awesome. By the way, read Ruth's review of Star Trek Into Darkness right here.

@zerbert !!!! Speaking of possible sequels!!!! This would be so cool if it happened. twitter.com/RuthElizabeth_…
— Ruth(@RuthElizabeth_R) May 21, 2013

That's all for now! See ya next time.

A Peek Through The Hatch: Robert's Most Anticipated Films of 2013

So 2013 is shaping up to be one helluva year for movies! And if your tastes are anything like mine, it'll be especially chock-full of great superhero and horror flicks.

Before you go any further, thanks for reading my list! As always, tell me what you think! I'd love to hear what you're looking forward to this year.

Honorable Mention

As the title up there implies, here are (in no particular order) five films that didn't quite make the cut. Summaries are courtesy of IMDb.

5. Riddick (September 6)

“Left for dead on a sun-scorched planet, Riddick finds himself up against an alien race of predators. Activating an emergency beacon alerts two ships: one carrying a new breed of mercenary, the other captained by a man from Riddick's past."

4. Gravity (October 4)

“Astronauts attempt to return to earth after debris crashes into their space shuttle, leaving them drifting alone in space.”

3. Anchorman: The Legend Continues (December 20)

“The continuing on-set adventures of San Diego's top rated newsman.”

Wikipedia

2. Prince Avalanche (?)

“Two highway road workers spend the summer of 1988 away from their city lives. The isolated landscape becomes a place of misadventure as the men find themselves at odds with each other and the women they left behind.”

JoBlo.com review.

1. Don Jon’s Addiction (September 19)

“The journey of a contemporary, porn-addicted Don Juan-type as he attempts to become less selfish.”

The List

10. Insidious: Chapter 2 (August 30)

Insidious - the story of parents battling ghosts haunting their house and son - was the first film in years to genuinely make me afraid of turning the lights off at night. It should be interesting to see what direction the sequel takes, as the first one ended on a strange note, one that makes a continuation kind of difficult.

9. The Wolverine (July 26)

Because it can’t be worse than X-Men Origins: Wolverine, right?

But seriously, it sounds like they’re trying to do a solo Wolverine movie right this time and I’m down for that. Wolvie’s adventure in Japan is supposed to be one of the character’s high points and with this film set after the disappointing X-Men: The Last Stand, it sounds like we’re in for an interesting story.

EH Team inside joke!

Cyclops: “Come on, they’re gonna kill him!”
Wolverine: “GOOD.”
Cyclops: “What?!”

8. Evil Dead (April 5)

Was anyone expecting this remake to look this slick (‘cause I sure as hell wasn’t)? I’d never heard of director Fede Alvarez and none of the actors were familiar to me but then those trailers hit. The movie also has Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell’s blessings (they produced the flick) so it can’t be all bad. It doesn’t hurt that it looks spooky as hell.



7. Thor: The Dark World (November 8)

Pretty curious about this flick as it seems that it’ll be a bit different from the first film (more Asgard?). I’m not a big Game of Thrones fan like a few other members of the EH Team, but I’m sure director Alan Taylor will lend the sequel the appropriate tone.

6. Man of Steel (June 14)

I didn’t hate Superman Returns. That being said, I’m pretty excited for a fresh entry in the Superman mythos. I’m as big a Zack Snyder fan as the next guy, and Christopher Nolan producing can’t be a bad thing. Added bonus: this film is supposedly laying the groundwork for the Justice League movie due in a few years (if all goes according to plan).

 5. Iron Man 3 (May 3)

Iron Man 3 will give us our first glimpse into the Marvel-verse since The Avengers, so I’m pretty excited for it. Plus, Shane Black (director of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, an underrated and excellent Robert Downey Jr. movie) is directing this time around. If nothing else, it should be different (and hopefully better) than the bloated and somewhat underwhelming Iron Man 2.



4. The World’s End (October 25)

Am I excited for this movie? Yarp! This is the final film in director Edgar Wright’s "Blood and Ice Cream" Trilogy. Expectations are high, but the trio of Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost haven’t let me down yet. I’m very curious about the plot (yes, it’s all about a pub crawl and the end of the world but, other than that?).

3. The Conjuring (July 19)

I’ve been looking forward to this film - another horror flick directed by James Wan, the guy behind Insidious and, you guessed it, the upcoming Insidious: Chapter Two - for a long time. The movie tells the story of a family that calls in a husband and wife ghost hunting team after discovering that the spirit of a witch is haunting their farm. Between the plot and the director, this sounds like one to watch.

IMDb

2. Star Trek Into Darkness (May 17)

My number two film is the sequel to J.J. Abrams’ 2009 Star Trek reboot. I think Abrams and his team did an excellent job of relaunching the Stark Trek universe and I’m looking forward to seeing how he’s going to advance it in this film. Speculation about the identity of Benedict Cumberbatch’s villain has been all over the place, so finally getting to see who he is and why it matters should be payoff enough.



1. Pacific Rim (July 12)

This is it - director Guillermo del Toro’s new giant-monsters-versus-giant-robots sci-fi epic is my most anticipated movie of 2013. As such, I’ll be counting down to the flick until it’s unleashed upon the world on July 12 with posts and tweets and other nonsense. #PacificRimWatch!!!